By Ron

(Reports on Kari and Matthew included)

I am not the kind of person who changes their core beliefs much or very quickly. My worldview today isn’t much different today than it was forty years ago. Inspiration of Scripture, explanations for evil and suffering in the world, the nature of man and his value to God – this kind of thing.

That said, my view of the world can change quite a bit from one season of my life to another, even from one day to the next. I’m talking here about how I can see things due to my emotional state. A present example…

For the last three months (except for the last week), Kari had not been doing well. It’s all about her arch nemesis – those intractable seizures. We were very concerned. Perhaps things were winding down. Degenerative diseases do that (get worse) by nature, don’t they? Perhaps this was the beginning of that final descent from which she would not recover. We felt we were losing her. She was, frankly, experiencing a lot of misery. We in turn were as well. None of the old tricks / adjustments to her care helped. Things kept getting worse. And this colored just about everything in my world.

But then, a week ago Kari had a sudden turnaround – a response to the last of the items in our bag of tricks. And it worked far better than we would have dared to hope. Within a few days we had our Kari returned to us! She continues to do amazingly well!

“When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream.” That’s how I feel – this is an “almost too good to be true” experience.

Our workload hasn’t changed much in type or volume, and yet it is suddenly lighter and more manageable. And we dare to hope again. Maybe I’m still being a bit cautious, not quite as “light as a feather, happy as an angel, merry as a school-boy, giddy as a drunken man” (to quote Scrooge) but feeling pretty good!

Sunday night, Matthew and I slept out in the tent camper. At 4:10 I was awakened with, “I hear the birds singing!” Yes, it’s like that. I’ve awakened to hear the birds singing again.

Somehow, for three months we persevered until the dawn of this day. And yes, no doubt our larger worldview is what helps get us through such times.

So, that’s the “fantastic news” (the exclamation from the neurologist about Kari) that I share with you. Now for the report from a different medical doctor: “Best vision I’ve ever seen from Matthew” (ophthalmologist at Hershey Med). In addition to seeing things very clearly, Matthew is overcoming “convergence insufficiency,” which means he now brings his eyes together well enough to be able to see 3D (depth perception). We believe this is one of those continuing benefits of the hemispherotomy surgery back in April of 2021. He still has no right field vision and never will, but he is on a path to getting the most out of what he has. Amazed by that as well!

But wait, there’s more. We’re going to be grandparents again. Elia is going to have a sister in October. “What a wonderful world.”

Well I have been slightly rebuked over the last two weeks. One for not blogging recently, and secondly, for not asking for prayer. Both are true. It is not because I haven’t had things to write about or ask prayer for. Also true: those who live with chronic pain, illness, disability, etc. sometimes fear that others may get tired of hearing about those things – may sound too much like complaining or a “woe is me” attitude. So, I stay silent.

I shouldn’t though. I have so much to thank God for. I have been in a Philippians study this Spring. It is a powerful little book with so much encouragement. Apostle Paul is our cheerleader, despite his being in jail when he wrote it. Think about that for a second, and then read the whole book in one sitting! It will cheer your spirit, even more if you act on it – which in my meager way will try to do now.

“Rejoice in the Lord always… (Phil 4: 4-7)  I rejoice that I celebrated my 60^th b-day a few weeks ago in style. My family went way beyond what they should have to celebrate this milestone, but I loved it! In a huge gift to me, family and friends paid for a true vacation for our family this summer to a Joni and Friends retreat week. I just can’t wait! I rejoice that I am still pain free from back surgery. I still have some lingering effects that possibly may be permanent considering the bad damage I had, but they are effects I can live with. I am happy for Spring’s life that is emerging, that I have yard work to do, and that I will be able to do it this year!!  I rejoice that our family is expanding with a little babe growing inside my daughter-in-law’s womb. Grandbaby due in October. So excited!! And Elia continuous with health and the sweetest spirit that any grandparent could want! And I have even more to rejoice about, but time and space limit.

“Do not be anxious about anything…” Yes, Lord, I know but what about these things? I send my little boy to an elementary school every day and don’t know for sure if he will come home again. Our world isn’t a safe place anymore and I grieve for those families who have lost their precious family members in gun violence. I grieve for those who have lost everything in storm.  I grieve for those who have lost family to drug abuse or suicide – including my own family.  I grieve for mothers who have ended their children’s lives through abortions, and I grieve for my brothers and sisters around the world who are facing incredible persecution all because they love Jesus. Oh, I grieve, and I pray against the evil of this dark world.  And I grieve the condition of my daughter’s life. One that is very weak but still is battling the effects of her horrible diagnosis. The last 3 weeks have been very tough. She is dealing with symptoms that are so bad but not life threatening (but could become that) so I haven’t asked for prayer, even though Ron and I beg God daily for help. When you have a child that is the oldest of 52 in the world with her diagnosis and most of them don’t live beyond ten, there is not much hope that any help is out there. Another Phil passage Kari and I dwell on and discuss much: “We eagerly await a Savior… who will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body.” That one is packed with promise!!

But bottom-line reason for this post… we do need prayer for Kari. Ron and I have made some treatment decisions that are risky to her health, but we don’t have much choice. Bottom line, Christ has everything under his control (Phil 3:21) so we make some adjustments to our Kari care plan and I send my son off on the school bus praying for his safety. Bottom line is… “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection…(Phil 3:10) “The power” of God that raised Jesus, is the same power I have available to me for every detail I face every day. And that is a confident power to rest on… my bottom line!

This phrase is not original with me, but I (Joan) sure do resonate with it! And before January has ended, I feel compelled to share my heart. I prayed long and hard before sending out this message, because I know for some, these are “unfriendly” words.

A few days ago, our country reached the 50^th anniversary of Roe v Wade ruling that abortions were legal at a federal level. Of course, as you know, that was overturned last summer and now abortions are legal (or illegal) at a state level.

Lots of loud voices since are complaining that we have gone backwards. “It is a women’s right to control her own body”, “The state has no right to interfere” – we hear it all!

What we rarely hear about are the rights of the baby struggling to survive in a hostile environment. And so, thousands over the past 50 years (including myself) have marched to protect the innocent, the unborn that cannot speak for themselves, who are hidden and unseen, but made in the image of his or her Creator! And of course, a secular worldview does not see it this way. What it sees is an inconvenience, a hardship, not even life.

But a Biblical worldview is diametrically opposed to that. Our eyes see these scriptures: Gen 1:27, Exo 4:11, Ps 127: 3-4, Ps 139: 13-16, I Cor 6:19, Rom 12: 1-2. And if you don’t automatically recognize these verses, look them up and commit them to your life. It is by “faith” that we walk this path of ‘pro-life” in the tough cases. Imago Dei means I see and celebrate God’s image in every person, in every season, stage and struggle. And that image has profound value.

It was easy for me to march in Washington for innocent babies (cute, helpless, and adorable) before I had children. My “march” for prolife has become more difficult, more hostile and taking more gumption to walk beside those who are disabled, disfigured, destroyed by disease, and unproductive – when it meant I would give up even more of myself to become an advocate, caregiver, and lover to those who receive very little love. Some days I want to say, “God, it is too much to love the unlovable in our world!”

What about those around us destroyed by disease, deluded, darkness, downright evil, depressed, dementia, a different culture, (how many ‘D’ words can you come up with?).  But each affected person is stamped with the image of God whether we can ‘see’ it or not.  No one is outside the reach and compassion of God.

Be amazed today that God reached down and grabbed your heart and thank Him for stamping His image on you, and then look around and see who you can reach out to (even if they seem very unlovable) and give grace, mercy and share the truth of God’s word with them today.

It is tough living with a man who is logical, loving, godly and devoted! Hmmm, let me look at that again! Well at least it is tough when you are a mom who is frustrated, emotional, ungodly and tired! Most days I am incredibly grateful for Ron who brings so much love, healing and stability to this family. But yesterday – I just wanted to be mad. Another thing broken in our home by the hands of our dear sweet traumatic brain injury child. It appears it is a regular occurrence around here. But this time, it was an expensive Christmas present. I won’t say what it was because I am not playing on your heartstrings. I know many of you would ship me Amazon boxes of the item. 😊 But I did try that angle on Ron, “We won’t have any money left till he is 18 to recover all that we have lost around here at his hands!” Thinking certainly Ron would be as angry as I was if I brought up finances!

No, he was unphased. “I do not know why Matthew does what he does, but I do know that his body is broken and maybe sometimes he gets very tired of living with a broken body and wants other things around him to be broken. Let’s just keep focusing on how far he has come and be patient with the rest.” Ugh, I crumbled, felt horrible, guilty, and so defeated.

It was just earlier in the day that I was sobbing during a scene that Kari and I watched from “The Chosen” (Season 3 episode 2). In case you haven’t seen it, I don’t want to be the spoiler, but here is the clip if you want to see it. The subject is healing.

Regarding complete healing- Kari and Matthew haven’t experienced that this side of heaven- but the Word speaks to that issue, and I was reminded again of the many ways that I don’t always have my thinking lining up with Christ’s! (Case you missed it- that was the major understatement of day).I, too, am a broken person. We all are! We all need a Healer, a Repairer of our broken souls, a Rescuer to save us from our sin, a Savior who carries us on his shoulders during our incredible weakness – Jesus. Look to Him, trust Him. Peace has been restored in my heart and home. Matthew is no longer living with his mom’s wrath. Humbly submitting to the ways of Christ really is the way to live- abundant living!!

Today, you can also pray for me as I celebrate six months since my back surgery. Visit to surgeon will hopefully relieve me from all my post-surgical restrictions and I can get started with that construction work, beginning with my own heart! Happy New Year!  Joan

The title may have you thinking one thing, but I am pretty sure you are not thinking what I am. Ten years ago when I was in foster care training, I was taught how children of trauma have many “gaps” in their thinking, education, social skills, etc. Which basically means that development can be very sporadic and confusing because, although there may be great advancement in one area, other areas may be virtually non-existent. And this was something that we were to keep in mind as we patiently work with our child. In other words, encountering large gaps in learning is typical.

So, in the past 10 years, I have watched and sometimes worked very patiently (and more times than not, very impatiently) as we train Matthew.  Today I kept him home from school because of a bad cough – sick but not sick enough to send him off to bed. So, I patiently labored through schoolwork, physical therapy exercises, and even a little recess. After 3 ½ hours his batteries still had a charge, but I was exhausted – mostly because he cannot stop talking through everything and most of the chatter is repetitive exciting chatter of upcoming Christmas events, halted only briefly by episodes of coughing.

I desperately needed a break. So, I plopped Kari beside the piano and asked Matthew to sit down and play her a song. Thinking that his just banging some keys here and there would at least give me a respite from chatter and allow me to make some lunch. What happened over the next 20 minutes was nothing short of a miracle. He sat at that piano and almost perfectly (with the left hand, the only one that works) played the four songs he will be singing on Sunday in the children’s choir. He never did that before. It was totally amazing! Within the realm of music, this kid runs circles around me. He wanted me to sing while he played. Mind you, I have been with him at every practice and still don’t know the words, nor even the tune for sure. That would be a “gap” for me but a mountain top for him!

Then there is the girl sitting beside him listening. She may not be a child of trauma, but she has been affected by this world of sin just the same.  Last night I read a quote from Joni Tada, “Contentment is that quietness of heart growing out of supernatural grace that gladly submits to God in all circumstances—but you must go through a strenuous learning process” and I would add, “…because we got lots of ‘gaps.’” Kari has mastered contentment. I know of no one who is more content than she.

As I take a few moments to sit between my two amazing children, realizing how far above me on mountain tops they are, I feel very small in my valley and I am grateful to God to show me this joy on this wearying day, knowing I too have major gaps and major learning before me.

“Managing leftovers – it’s not as easy as you think,” Joan expressed, probably more to herself than to me.

After a big meal, many kinds of food, requiring different ways of saving the savory dishes – not an easy task, but worth it. We love leftovers – turkey sandwiches are great for example.

At the end of the day, we reflect, we process. This is a different type of managing the leftovers of the day. Some things we’ll try to replicate next year. Some we’ll throw away. And some we’ll just spend a few more minutes savoring.

Here are some of our “leftovers” – some worth savoring and some we’ll try not to repeat.

Kicking a football in the house. Good kick Matthew – you got the thing airborne. Bad news is that you smacked mom with it in the face (who was busy reading something I was thinking of sharing at the Thanksgiving service). Let’s remind ourselves of the ancient wisdom of “not playing ball in the house.”

Attending the service and sharing one of our big praises since last thanksgiving. (view if you like, start at 15:35 – my testimony lasts for one minute, ten seconds) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5J3yXShb9E

Flying Jeremy’s drone – a gift from several Christmas’ past. Kudos for Jeremy for realizing this would be something Matthew would really enjoy. On the flip side, perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to allow Matthew full control with the result of the drone getting stuck in the neighbor’s tree. Then again, the challenge of getting it down was a memorable activity of its own.

And then there was the “let’s solve some of the world’s problems” – the more in-depth conversation about pain around the holidays and the empty seats from 600 plus mass shootings so far this year. “If you were “king,” what one thing would you do to move the needle?”  Some good thoughts about root causes and a few practical ideas for what each of us can do that could make a difference over time.

Finally, this morning I asked Matthew what Thanksgiving is about. “It’s about giving thanks to one another.” Wrong answer, I say to myself. But to him I say, “give me examples.” And he did, which gave me the source of his thinking. “I’ll tell you what. Let’s watch that YouTube kids’ program together and see what’s missing,” which we did, and was able to explain that, while being grateful to one another is important, Thanksgiving was established to remind us to give thanks to God.

So yes, while the adults were fixing the world, my son was being fed a worldview (a nice, moral one) that excluded the one who most deserves our thanks.

Managing leftovers. Joan is right. It isn’t easy. But it is worth doing.

Credit: I must express appreciation to David and Karen Mains and a film series from long ago entitled: “What Makes a Christian Family Christian?” Their fourth episode was all about “living the evaluative lifestyle.” One main point: Don’t just watch TV – after you do so, process it together and examine what aligns with a Christian Worldview and what does not.

Thanksgiving Eve doesn’t get the hype as Christmas Eve, but just the same I (Joan) want to take a moment to remind all to count our many blessings. Yesterday I had the incredible honor of keeping my granddaughter Elia for the day. She hangs out here a couple days a week, but yesterday was extra special because she was 11 months old, so we sang and did the happy dance and had so much fun that napping was not on the agenda. And since she will be with her other Grandma in MO over her 1^st birthday (yes, I do have to share), we lived it up yesterday!

Last year at this time we were barely breathing as we awaited her very high-risk birth. “Pins and needles” I believe we called it! Didn’t seem fair after having 3 special needs children ourselves that we were again in this precarious position of awaiting our first grandchild under such duress. But last Christmas we celebrated a miraculous birth and with each of her following check-ups we breathed a little easier. Elia is a charmer at 11 months, and we will never forget God’s grace on this family.

Of course, we have much to be thankful for this year. My back surgery and surrounding recovery going terrific, my brother Joe falling 12 ft face first on concrete and miraculous recovery, we are still a seizure- free home after 35 years of daily bombardment of those terrible “lightning strikes of brain,” and we have amazing tranquility in our home despite daily challenges of caring for 2 special needs children and their grandfather. Compared to the rest of the world we have an abundance.

Before Moses sent his Israelite crew into the promise land, he had some words of reminder: “There (in the promise land) in the presence of the Lord, your family will eat and rejoice in everything you have put your hand to, because the Lord your God has blessed you!” (Deut 12: 7) I love this encouragement he gives them to keep looking forward and see what is coming! So tomorrow, you can bet I will be eating and rejoicing with my family – celebrating the blessings in my own little “promised land.”

But I can’t stop here. Moses went on to contrast what the Jewish nation was experiencing at that very moment, “Do not do as we have here today, everyone doing as they see right in their own eyes!” (Deut 12:8) Ugh! So, our reality! Surrounded by evil, pain, and everyone interpreting life the way they want it and not seeking the face of Jesus for His truth and purpose.

I Peter 1:3 reminds us, “though we can not see Him, you believe in Him and are filled with inexpressible joy.” Yes, Peter, I am! And not because all is “right” around me but because God is still on His throne, His presence is nearer than if He was walking beside me. As we enter Advent season, I believe His coming is near. Like wise men of 2,000 years ago eagerly awaiting the Messiah, I want to encourage us all to be among the few who do not forget Who is about to come back – to be ready – to let my light so shine to attract others to Jesus and to be thank-full for this promised blessing! Happy Thanksgiving!

We recently had the honor of being guests on a podcast with Rising Above Ministries. Based in Tennessee, their goal is “lifting up the special-needs community.”

You can listen here: https://www.risingaboveministries.org/podcast/denlingers

For those getting to know our family because of the Rising Above podcast, you can continue receiving updates on our family story by subscribing. You’ll receive an e-mail notification with each new post.

I’ll start with a firsthand report from my sister-in-law…

“He is really doing quite well! We did dressing changes today, and everything is hemostatic, so I have been able to loosen the pressure on the wrap which definitively eases some discomfort. Swelling in his eyes is down, too. He is sleeping a good bit, but that is to be expected as his brain heals.”

He still has no memory of his actual fall, but we can’t stress enough what a miracle this is that he did not fracture his skull, neck or spine! I guess as a little sister, I always knew he had a hard head – but I had no idea I was related to superman! Praising and praying!

Joan

I would just like to ask for prayer for my brother, Joe Weaver. Twenty-four hours ago he fell 12 feet onto concrete apparently face first. He was found unconscious and barely breathing. But praise God had no internal injury- broken neck or other spinal cord injury. He does have a severe concussion and lacerations to his face and bleeding and swelling into his eyes that he is unable to open them at the moment. With time and rest, all of these injuries should heal. All we can say is, “Thank-you Jesus for sparing his life!”
He and his wife, Sima are physicians in Pittsburgh who both work at a clinic for the underserved. The clinic recently has had terrific challenges and are down staff. So this is another staff who is out of commission for awhile. They have 4 children, 3 in college and 1 at home, all of whom have been traumatized by their dad’s fall. Thanks for prayers!