I know you have heard the song, Jesus Loves Me – probably since a child you have known it.

                                               Jesus loves me, this I know,

                                               for the Bible tells me so.

                                               Little ones to Him belong.          

                                               They are weak, but He is strong!

                Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so!

Matthew can play it on his French horn. We sing it often. The message is profound. It refers to us all whether we recognize that we are children compared to the Almighty. And we are weak compared to His strength. But I leave all that theology for someone else.

But I bet you have no idea who wrote these lyrics and the reason she wrote them. Anna Warner is her name – lived during the Civil War. She was a contemporary of the greatest American poet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. But she, kind of like me, was a little-known author 😊. But her sister, a novelist, included Anna’s poem in her book about a dying child. The poem gave comfort to the boy as he looked forward to heaven. And the poem became a song, and the song went viral!

I just learned this information yesterday, when out of the blue I asked Ron, “Who wrote that song?” And being the good informant, googled and woo-hoo, we got our answer.

It was a profound story to me, because of my present activity. For 11 years I have been part of a ministry that writes notes, three to four times a year, to bereaved parents. I was working through this process, feeling deeply grieved for these parents (especially so this time of year). How does one encourage those who are feeling painful loss? Again, the subject of dead and dying children up against an Almighty, all-powerful, all-loving God – not one I am going to tackle here.

But I come back to the above lyrics. I put my trust, my mind, on things above. God loves. God knows. God cares. He is Strong. I am not! As I contemplate the God who was willing to put himself in the most vulnerable spot in our world – a womb, I can’t deny that He loves me! And He loves the precious parents who can’t see past their own pain to the hope of Heaven. Pray today for the people in your lives who are grieving this Christmas season. Not everyone is “Merry and Bright”.

Twenty-nine years ago, we engraved on our son’s tombstone: “Little ones to Him belonged.” We had no idea it was written to encourage a little boy just like ours. Amazing! It did just that!

Joan

Everyone knows what a full stomach is. But do you know what a full heart is? I learned the term years ago from a 20-something when I was 40-something. He was a bit more artistic in his thinking than I. He had just returned from talking to “a woman on the street” about Jesus. It was Christmas time, and he was filled with awe that God would give him this opportunity to share LIFE with one who was so despairing. “My heart is full!” Signifying there was nothing that could make life more meaningful for him. He was satisfied, complete, confident that there was nothing that could give him more joy!

I loved that guy. And I wanted to emulate his joy and figure out how to live more that way. My life didn’t seem as carefree, flexible, or winsome as his. I was a mom and pastor’s wife, traveling the country, serving in multiple churches (read Faith in the Heartland if you want to know more),tied down to a busy schedule, the demanding routine of caring for a severely disabled teenager, and homeschooling an elementary aged boy. Life was full alright, but not in the way my friend felt it!

Well let’s just say, maybe its because I am 20 years older, walking closer to Jesus, or perhaps just losing some of my “rigidity” now that senility is setting in… But I walked out of my church on Sunday afternoon, looked up in the heavens and said, “My heart is full!” With a smile on my face and a heart that was dancing the way my friend was 20 years ago. Yes, even with a gimpy back, I did a little two-steppin’ jig with my son beside me and Kari rolling by my side.  I had just experienced the joy of Christmas and I was complete, satisfied, and confident that, even if everything else goes wrong in the next two weeks, I’ll not have a need.

I know you are wondering “so what is she up to now?” Well, I had just completed a four-hour Christmas celebration with Kari’s Shepherd’s class friends at Calvary church. It was a blast! Ron and I help in the class twice a month and this was our Sunday to serve. The class was rocking with excitement as we led them through the story of the paralytic man who was healed by Jesus. Kari got to be highlighted in class because she was the only one who is a “paralytic” – not able to move without help. But the miracle-working Jesus got the class excited as they all have something they are eager to have healed by Jesus. I sat in awe as I listened to their excitement of the hope of heaven. In fact, the young adult beside me could not get done talking of the new Jerusalem. We wrapped up the topic with intense prayers by the students for each other, ending our time with a rousing song. I am sure heaven was ripped open and angels came down in that classroom, dancing for joy with us.

Let me break for a moment. Bear with me. As a mom who has, for 37 years, carried an enormous amount of weight on behalf of my children (even watching one die and handing him over in the arms of Jesus), it has been torturous and a long road. Even now I am tempted to cry out, “Oh God, why does my daughter have to endure so much? She can’t move (unless I move her), she can’t speak, she can’t see, her bones are weak, and with muscles contorted. She sits and sits and pushes through more pain than I can imagine! How long oh Lord, how long?”

In the silence, God whispers to my heart, “Joan, my grace is sufficient for her. You don’t need the grace like she needs it. I have filled her up, I have made her complete, her reward is coming. Trust me and keep caring for your daughter, knowing she is one of the “least of these” in your world, but in mine she is the apple of my eye!”

“Oh, dear Jesus, I never saw this before. Yes, I know about the grace you give me when others can’t see how I do what I do. But do I really think I have the corner on that? Grace, just for me? Oh no, child! Look at your daughter! She has bucket loads more than you’ll ever know.”

So, when I walk out of a four-hour party…  Yes, on Sunday after class, we then partied for 3 more hours!  After having spent time with Kari’s friends, who know a whole lot more about the grace of Jesus – they don’t hold back. No filters, no pride, no competition, just pure joy. I am a humbled woman with an overflowing heart of joy. These crazy 20-something kids in my life sure have a lot to teach this stodgy old lady.

We ended the party with Matthew (he was allowed to be at the party because of his sister and parents who help) leading us through four verses of Silent Night. He asked the attendees to sing the song peacefully. Apparently, “peacefully” (to people who experience Jesus with no filters) means looking up into the heavens and singing as loudly as you can. I expected that maybe Christ would come – the second Advent upon us!

Merry Christmas everyone and thanks for listening to my full heart!

Joan

Elia means, “God answers prayer.” Her mother and father couldn’t have given her a more appropriate name. God has been faithful to sweet Elia who will be 2 years old in two weeks. Once again, we come to our prayer friends and ask you to continue to plead for our precious granddaughter.  After waiting over two weeks while the cardiologist at CHOP evaluated the MRI results of her heart, yesterday her parents got the call. Her little heart has a need – one that was not expected. The area they thought was going to need fixed is doing well, but the MRI revealed another anomaly that will need open heart surgery before Elia turns 4. We are relieved to know it does not need immediate attention, and for that we rejoice!

This needed repair grieves our hearts, as you can imagine. Keep our sweetheart Elia in your prayers. Jeremy and Sarah will meet with the Cardiologist in February to get more details and of course they have many questions. As Sarah said, “God has been faithful to her this far. He will continue to be!”

I am hanging on to our Lord Jesus’ mother’s words, expressed before Jesus was born: “His Mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation.” And that is us!

“Thank you, Jesus for your great mercy that extends to each of us in our difficulty this Christmas! You have won the battle!”

“Oh taste and see that the Lord is good!”

Today is Halloween. Many of us will be handing out treats and enjoying special tastes. No tricks here at the Denlinger home.

We came through the month of October savoring the goodness of God! Kari turned 37, Matthew just celebrated birthday 11- his style: eating at McDonald’s! And two days before his birthday, we were incredibly blessed with the birth of granddaughter #2. Lucy is doing great – day 4 and already celebrating Halloween in pumpkin outfit. Our pictures say it all (see below)!

In September, I (Joan) had a prayer service for all four of my Denlinger ladies. Each one going through unique times. I also asked you to pray. Here are some results.

#1 After seven months of pure misery, Kari is finally getting relief through neurological changes and PT. We have our daughter back again!

#2 request before God was for Sarah, that she would be able to have a regular birth experience after her emergency C-section last time. Although it was not easy, God helped her deliver little Lucy with no complications! Sweet!

#3 request for Lucy – born healthy, strong and beautiful.

Big sister, Elia is agreeable to her new baby sister, but as her personality dictates, she is being a little cautious about how much attention that wee one should get. And in the meantime, please keep prayers going for her, as the jury is still out on how soon her heart surgery may be. Stay tuned, and pray for wisdom for her parents! And for Ron and me in our support of them.

Born October 27, 2023 Healthy and perfect in every way.

On a perfectly sunny day, I am sure you are wondering why I am speaking of storms in Pennsylvania. Florida is experiencing storms today for sure, from which there will certainly be major clean up required. As you know, Kari has been dealing with some terrible symptoms since February and we have been driven to find answers for her. Today was the next step – to see a neurosurgeon. He was most helpful to us. First, he listened! Second, he gave us hope for solutions, though agreeing this is quite a conundrum.

Three things (at least) have come together to cause her terrible pain. Her 1^st neurologist, trying to control seizures had increased her implant to a heavy setting. This likely caused agitation, even pain. And she was probably already having neck pain from degenerative vertebra (which was only diagnosed today even though X-ray has been out there for all to see). The compounded agitation may have caused further pinched nerve and then all these stress/pain issues caused more seizures. A vicious “hurricane” of conditions.

Now we are in the process of “clean-up” of the mess that this has been left behind. Since we convinced neurologist #2 to turn off the VNS, Kari has had much less pain and no seizures. She still is having some pain, but between analgesics, neck brace, and positioning changes, we can get Kari to sleep at night without us calming her neck by holding down her head. Today, the neurosurgeon said the last resort is to take out VNS (major surgery). He would like to have us try physical therapy on the neck to heal damaged muscle and nerve, and possibly steroid injections as well. If Kari still does not get more relief, we will go back to him to “talk next steps” (such as more detailed imaging).  Please pray that physical therapy will be very helpful as we work at restoring our daughter to better health.

And pray for those in the south who also will be facing major clean-up!

Joan

to lighten the load sometimes.

The “Preacher” of  Ecclesiastes says in 8:6,7: “ For there is a time and a way for everything, although man’s trouble lies heavy on him. For he does not know what is to be, for who can tell him how it will be?” Yes Preacher, you nailed that one 3,000 years ago!

Heavy is my heart, nauseous is my stomach, and tear-filled are my eyes. Last evening, we got the phone call from our son Jeremy and Sarah that we were hoping won’t come for a very long time. But their adorable 20-month-old daughter Elia (our sweet granddaughter – who calls Ron and me “Guckie”) didn’t exactly pass her echocardiogram today. She was born at CHOP because they thought she may need immediate open-heart surgery, but we celebrated then because she came through strong, not needing it and was home snuggling with her parents on Christmas Day! Now the heart is indicating change and in two months she needs further detailed heart evaluation. Depending on what that shows, the heart surgery will happen sooner. In the meantime, they are to watch for signs of heart failure. No parent, (nor grandparent) wants to get this news on a daughter they love dearly! HEAVY feelings!

So please pray for them, especially Sarah who is carrying their second daughter – due in October. She is doing great, baby too, but none of us like the added stress for Sarah these last 10 weeks as she prepares to give birth. Soe, for those of you who are grandparents understand why (when I heard the news last night), I didn’t know if I should vomit, cry, holler. Ron, fortunately, suggested we pray. And I have been pretty much doing that ever since and now I am asking you too! HEAVY prayers!

I also have not been talking much about the journey we have been on with Kari over the past 6 months. So complicated! But praise God, we do believe we have targeted it to the VNS – a implant in her chest with leads going up her vagal nerve. Kari has intractable seizures and 18 years ago while living in IL, a neurologist strongly advised to have this new device placed to get her seizures under control. And for 17 years, we believe it has worked well. Unfortunately, all good things come to an end, and we believe that is where Kari is regarding this device. This journey is now leading us to a neurosurgeon on August 30th. If there is a problem, which we are all highly suspecting this “hardware” guy must get it out. And when dealing with the vagus nerve, this is not an easy surgery.  HEAVY path Kari trods and we with her.

II Corinthians 4:18 says, “So we do not lose heart….for this LIGHT and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” Maybe 2,000 year old Paul didn’t get the idea that these things are Heavy? Hmmm, but he was inspired by God too! Maybe I need a little more time to dwell on eternity ‘til I can sense the “light” that the Apostle Paul experienced. As I think about the trials he went through, and the terrible trials I see in contemporary humankind, I do not think I should complain. God has blessed me with so much. I still have my home, my identity, my sweet family, food, clothing and an eternal inheritance because of Jesus. Yes, my heart grieves big time because of my Denlinger ladies, and right now that is appropriate. I love them so much! And it does lighten my heart to know that God loves them even more and He’s got them all in His hand. He is going to carry this heavy burden and make it LIGHT!

As many present told us, “Matthew brought down the house” at the JAF Talent Show.

By Joan

Oh, where to begin! Our family is fresh back from our Joni and Friends (JAF) Family Retreat. What a week! As many families have said this past week: “For those of us with special needs kids, this is the closest thing to heaven there is on this earth!” I agree – a family vacation, with trained help for our kids, incredible meals, programming, and spiritual worship all in a refreshing mountain setting. Amazing!

From the moment we arrived until we wrapped it all up yesterday, my eyes had a rare break from tears of joy! So many God-sightings – some I won’t be able to express here (for they were just for me), but others I will try to pass on.

In our debriefing session as parents yesterday, Samwise from “Lord of the Rings” was quoted. Watching Frodo struggle under the weight of being the ring-bearer, Sam says, “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you.” That is how we parents feel. We wish we could carry the disability for them. It is a heavy burden watching our children in their 24/7 battle with great limitations and we can’t change that, we can only come alongside and help them. And then JAF made our burden lighter by coming alongside our families and helped us have an incredibly great vacation. For five days they “lifted” what they could while celebrating the abilities and joys in each of our kids – what a blast!

That is what so many of you do for Ron and I. You carry what you can through prayers for our family, finances that made this vacation possible, friendships to us when our family is hard to connect with, and just a boatload of understanding that is so refreshing when many in this world look at us as odd. So, THANK YOU – it means everything!

At JAF, we do not feel different. One mom pointed out, that despite the normal world of extreme divisiveness, for five days, we felt incredible unity – no matter our background, religious or political differences, our children with their lack of filters break down walls and we meet at the same level – at the feet of Jesus. And there is so much joy in this place. Wholly weak, wholly dependent on Him, Wholly, a worshipful place to rest!

Matthew was a definite bolt of sunshine in the whole camp. Of the 300 people at camp, pretty sure there was not one person who had not interacted with him. So many laughs and happy moments because of his intense need to love-on everyone! The last evening at the talent show, they assigned him and Ron as the closing act – Ron was Matthew’s pianist. Matthew brought down the house with his song and tears were flowing liberally. It was sheer joy. But what got me the most was a comment he made into the microphone right before he started singing. He wanted the audience to know that Kari was his sister and he pointed to her, and he wanted them to know he was her brother. (Tears flowing again at this point). In Matthew’s mind, it connected that his sister can’t speak or do anything, and he didn’t want people to miss her.  And he is proud of her!

I am going to let pictures of our week say the other thousands of words I can’t. But as I enter back into my normal world of cooking, laundry, cleaning and all the “heavy” work of childcare – please know that Jesus is carrying us, and I will be OK as soon as I am able to see out of these blurry eyes of mine!