Motherhood – the Dream and the Reality

Happy belated Mother’s Day to all moms out there.

Jeremy gave me a card yesterday, pointing out that my motherhood reality is surely different than what I had dreamed. He deeply honored me by expressing appreciation for my rolling with all that has come my way.

My mind takes me back to the bittersweet day Jeremy was dedicated at our church, the very day that would have been his older brother’s sixth birthday. But Ryan was not there as had graduated to heaven six weeks earlier. In hope for what God would do in Jeremy’s life, I committed myself to 1 Samuel 12:23,24.

“As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right. But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you.” NIV

Today those verses were part of my Bible reading. I am so glad I chose those for his dedication as I realize how they are being fulfilled – Jeremy and his wife Sarah serving God faithfully with all their hearts. That is reality.

Shifting focus to my other living son – today Matthew passed a test with flying colors. It was a retesting of fifteen activities – none of which he could do a year ago. Following surgery Matthew could not walk. He was receiving intense therapy at CHOP’s rehab, but we were discharged early so that I could be by the bed of my mom who was dying. Discharged with the understanding that Matthew must continue to receive intensive therapy. And so, I determined to keep the May 18 appointment at Schreiber no matter what! And I kept the promise, as hard as it was to do so. During Matthew’s evaluation he told the therapist that his grandmother died. “I’m sorry, when did she die?” “Today,” replied Matthew. She quickly looked at me, her eyes desperately asking me if he was speaking reality. I nodded. It was true. We had followed the hearse out of our driveway. All those memories are vivid to me today. But the sadness is overtaken by how far Matthew has come.

This was my first celebration of Mother’s Day without my mother or my mother-in-law. Very strange to not have someone older to honor, but my children honored me incredibly. And that is reality.

Within this year, with other major crisis events behind me, it was time to address something I had been putting off. I started to “doctor” for a back injury, the impact of which I could no longer ignore. I’ve now done everything advised (therapy, shots, exercises) with no improvement, only decline. Extensive testing is complete, and I await the date of surgery – the thing my surgeon told me five months ago is unavoidable. I appreciate your prayers for me (so many of you have been asking for an update – thanks for your concern). The continuous pain makes waiting difficult. I hope for relief and yet the surgery and recovery aren’t things I look forward to – it appears my summer won’t be the most pleasant. One thing I’ve found while waiting in pain, I’ve become more aware of those who need prayer, many of whom need it far more than what I do. That too is reality.

The sentiment of the card is right. Not all dreams come true. But what is also true is that some of the blessings of my present reality far exceed what I had hoped for! I am very blessed to be mom to my precious children.

2 thoughts on “Motherhood – the Dream and the Reality

  1. So thankful for the wonderful progress Matthew has shown! Praying for you Joan as you continue this journey of pain! Praying you can have the surgery soon and be healed from this back pain! Thanks for the update! Blessings to you and your dear family!💞

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