A weak vessel

So I can’t thank you enough for your prayers through the night. Kari has a treasure in her “jar of clay” body. And that treasure is an amazing strength she has from the Lord.

Ron and I went against medical advice yesterday. The neurologist-on-call yelled at me to call 911 and get her to the hospital to be intubated and put in an induced coma to stop her seizing. Of course, because of Covid they were giving me an absolute that I would NOT allowed to be with her in the hospital. While them doctor was calling the hospital to tell them Kari was on her way, I was administering emergency medicine here at home to stop it. I had to give more than I have ever given – it required the full dose til the seizing stopped and knocked her out. At that point, the biggest threat is to her breathing, but I could NOT let Kari go alone to the hospital. Even typing those words causes me to break down. Last night was very rough. I was a human ventilator for her. Shaking her, rubbing her back intently ever time she stopped breathing. And every time – as dusky and near death as she was – she always fought back! Please read II Cor 4: 8 to understand that curse she was under…. But that Treasure inside her once again pulled her through.

It must have been an angel of God that would slap me awake each time she stopped breathing and this by your prayers through the night penetrating the heart of God and moving His hand.

I don’t know how long I will have Kari. Last night as I battled for her life, I was reminded of another mother who cried out on behalf of her 33 yr old adult child – I felt that grief of Mary the mother of Christ. It doesn’t seem fair for Kari to have to experience this much suffering. I don’t think it fair, but I count it a privilege to know her and to know that God is doing (in the heavenlies especially) something precious regarding her life. Although the night was rough, I was confident I had made the right decision to keep her home – even if she died in my arms. I had peace. But this morning the heaviness returned when I realize that I may have burned a bridge, not sure I have a medical person to go to if I need more help for Kari.

My phone rang, I almost didn’t answer it because it was a strange number. It was Kari’s neurologist who is on a two week leave for religious purposes. Apparently the other neurologist had called him last night to report that I had not followed through on her advice and she had no idea what was happening. He called me to tell me that I absolutely did the RIGHT thing and he took all the blame for what I had to go through yesterday and took responsibility for not getting Kari’s seizures under control over the past 3 weeks. He was almost crying over what he had put Kari and me through and wanted to reassure me of his concern even though he is on vacation. He wants a daily report. He has already prescribed a new med – he had to go to bat for to get special approval. He told me, it meant everything to him that I listened to my heart and made the choice that I did.

My heaviness is gone. Many of your expressed support of our decision, yet it was really hard for me to go against that medical authority yesterday and feel like I was on my own. I know, I never am. God’s got my back, no matter what happens! Now this “jar of clay,” more like crumbly mud with the amount of crying I have been doing, needs to figure out how to get a long nap!!

6 thoughts on “A weak vessel

  1. Kari is the strongest person I know! So grateful, mom, that you stayed by her side all night. Thank you for the update, praise the Lord!

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  2. Dear Joan, What a wonderful gift you have to describe your time with Kari last night and your trust in God to help you make the right decision. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He WILL direct your path. Prov. 3:5&6. Joyce

    Ps There is no emotion so great as laying your child on the altar of sacrifice. We want to claim them as ours when they really are His to use as He chooses.

    Please let us know if we can do anything to help you get some rest…until then we keep all of you in our prayers. I saw Jeremy and Sarah came last night. Praise God for them.

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  3. So glad you stayed with Kari at home. I can’t imagine my child dying in a hospital without loved ones. You definitely made the right decision. I’m thankful for God’s mercy and love.

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  4. As I read this to Mel with tears in our eyes, he says you made the right decision even as hard as it was; but the peace that surrounded you even as you knew she could die in your arms is directly from God. Thanks for sharing. Sending our Love, Mel and Joyce

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