Same Verse – Just a Little Worse

Ron here – Joan asked me to write something to all of you – all who have been concerned about her back pain, who have been praying, who have been asking. After all, we promised to “update you when we have a clearer picture.” It is now a little more than two months ago that we made that promise. We haven’t broken that promise. We can’t wait for the day when we have a clearer picture! And when we do, we will report it here, as fully as we know how.

Unfortunately, we remain in the dark place of having no answers. Our hope that John Hopkins Neurosurgery would enlighten us has faded. We’re not sure where to go next.

Joan is asking me to write this note in the most encouraging way possible. Frankly, I don’t know how to do that. This back saga is very discouraging for her. It is hard to live with extreme and debilitating pain – especially when it knocks out her mobility. Basically, at this point it seems the only thing left is learning to live with pain and limitations.

It is hard to explain. It is a cycle of mild to moderate pain in the morning, a period or two of some relief during the day, and by end of the day coming to the point of immobility (with many variations on this). I feel a need to say this because those who see Joan in action have no idea, because she pushes through to do the max of what she can, usually with a smile and directing attention away from herself. And here’s the challenge: She doesn’t want the focus on her, she wants to think as little about this as she can, and she just wants to keep serving others (as she has been doing for years). But she can’t – not at that level, and she knows it.

Is the problem that she is in denial, that she should face her pain, slow down, allow others to serve her, and she would be fine? No. it is so much more complicated than that. “Slowing down” to the point of little to no pain isn’t a “thing.” And “slowing down” brings with it a whole other group of complications. Joan is doing the best she knows to survive and to overcome a very difficult situation.

Basically, this is the kind of “update” no one wants to write and no one wants to read. But you will read it because you love Joan and you will keep praying for her. Know too that we aren’t without hope. We’ll keep searching for answers, while realizing that isn’t where our ultimate hope lies.