Within these walls, I find myself in a constant emotional tug-of-war. On the one hand, there is the need for speed. For those of you who do not know Matthew, he is a 24/7, on-the-move kid with one speed – fast! Because of that, he can be a danger to himself and therefore Ron and I must be diligent. Because of his actions, we are on constant alert, don’t get nearly as much sleep as we’d like, and we are constantly planning activities to keep him productive so that life doesn’t sink into chaos. If this seems rather all consuming, it is because you’re getting the picture. Throughout the day, Ron and I will say to the other, “Real quick, I am going to…” What we mean is this: “Could you be on Matthew duty for a few minutes because I really want to do this one thing and I can’t watch him at the same time?” Apparently, we say “real quick” a lot because we’re starting to hear it echoed. A few days ago, someone called. Whenever Matthew is around, he asks to be in on the conversation. This time he said, “can I say hi, ‘real quick?’”
When I walk into the side of the house where my parents live, I must remind myself to slow my brain, speech, and movements as I care for them. To connect with them I must go from 60 mph down to 10. I’ve learned to do that (outwardly at least) in a matter of seconds. It isn’t just care for my parents that slows me down, the quarantine also slows me down, preventing me from connecting and getting out as I would like. This may be God’s way of saying, “be still, look up and listen to me. Know that I am God.” I need this so that I will bear His image more instead of my own. And it is these times of reflection and focus that give me the energy for when I need to be in high gear. Psalm 62, ‘For God alone my soul waits in silence… He alone is my rock…I shall not be greatly shaken.”
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So, the other day Joan’s break time was over and she had written down thoughts along these lines. She asked me to make some sense of them and to send them out. This evening I’ve finally had some time to do that. Hopefully, I’ve conveyed her intent.
And since I’m sending this out, can I ask something of you, “real quick?” Could you offer a prayer for Joan and Matthew? They are at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia for a protracted EEG. It is step one (in a series of many) to trying to eliminate his seizures – that is, this test will tell us whether that might be possible.
Shortly after admission at CHOP this afternoon she texted, “I will have little time to think down here.” So, Joan is caring for one. I’m caring for the other three until they return. Guess who has the more consuming task? Hint: The fact that I have time to send this out to you should give you the answer.