My Song

I, Ron, was taking Matthew to the Bridlepath Equine Center for his therapeutic horsemanship session (worthy of a blog of its own someday). He was chilling after a full day of school and not as chatty as usual. My mind was mostly on my “Shoulder to Shoulder” (S2S) session that evening. S2S is a support group for fathers of those with special needs. I would be leading the group on the theme of “Courage, when life seems to be spinning out of control.”

I turned to Matthew and said, “Give me a definition of ‘courage.’” He immediately responded with: “Courage is choosing what’s helpful, right, and kind, even when it’s hard or scary.” I picked up my phone, opened the memo app, pushed the mic symbol, and asked him to repeat that definition. He gave me the same sentence. I would share it with my group that evening!

I didn’t know exactly what Matthew would say, but I knew he would have a definition. The reason? I had just passed a sign that said “CVSD character quality of the month: Courage.” It was already two weeks into April. Conestoga Valley had surely been repeating it to their students. I knew Matthew would have it memorized.

Four days later, Matthew and I were sitting in a pew of Trinity Lutheran Church on S Duke in Lancaster. Music For Everyone was presenting a variety of choral groups. I knew I was pushing it to bring Matthew there. It had been a full day. Matthew’s bedtime is 6:30 (also the starting time of the concert). I knew he would never last the whole thing. And yes, it was a struggle to keep him focused, quiet and not too rutchie (how is that word spelled – why doesn’t Word recognize it?)

Thirty minutes in, he turns to me and says, “That’s harmony.” I responded, “Yes, it is.” What I was thinking was a little different. “Well, duh. Understatement. Of course it’s harmony! The group singing is a barbershop type choral group (of the Sweet Adelines variety). You can’t pack more harmony into songs than what is done with this genre.” I roll my eyes and wonder why my son seems to always need to state the obvious.

But a few phrases later I am blown away as I realize what Matthew had just told me and I am humbled! It was “Harmony” – I glanced at the program to be sure – That was the name of the song they were singing. He instantly recognized the song! The significance of that? Neither of us had heard of the song until about six weeks earlier. We sang it a few times, watched a choral group sing it on YouTube, and then forgot all about it – at least I had.

We lasted another song or so but knew Matthew was beyond tired. We slipped out. As we walked to our car, I said to him, “I can’t believe you recognized the song, ‘Harmony.’” He responded by singing, “The time has come. Let us begin, with all our voices blending in To sing of love and brotherhood, And people doing what they should to… (he mumbled at this point but kept right on going perfectly with the tune and ended with) Harmony, harmony…”

I thought I was blown away when he “recognized” the song. You can imagine how astounded I was when he “replicated” most of the song. (Did I remember any of those words? No, none but the “harmony, harmony” part.)

Sometimes, like Mary, I treasure these Matthew moments and ponder them in wonder. Other times, I’m like Joseph as imagined by Michael Card when he wrote, “Joseph’s Song.” One line: “How can a man be father to the son of God?” Understand that, not for a minute do I regard Matthew as deity. Rarely do I see him as an angel. But there are times when I am overwhelmed and wonder exactly who this boy is!  

Picture Matthew as a sea (as in “ocean”) made up of much of what is normal boy, but with a strong mixture of brain damage, developmental delay, and disability. But in this sea, there are a few islands of above average (even exceptional) ability. One of these areas is music. Another is memory. At times he amazes me with some of his language skills.

Ron’s Song goes something like this, “How am I adequate to be father to one made in the image of God, but with both special needs and exceptional ability?” (doesn’t have the same poetic flow as Michael Card’s lyrics, but you get the idea)

I suspect every dedicated believing parent feels something of this. And yet, as a member of the Shoulder-to-Shoulder gang, I do feel an extra “burden” of being part of the process of helping my son be all that God wants him to be. I want him to connect well with his world. I want him to reflect God’s image and bring glory to him. I’m not always sure how to do that. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed, as I said. But mostly I’m finding it to be one of the most amazing and fulfilling challenges of my life.

I do feel the same burden of helping my daughter be all that God wants her to be. That takes a very different form – perhaps something I’ll share with you in the future. In any case, I will take any prayers for wisdom that you wish to offer up on my behalf as I keep singing my song!

Speaking of Kari. The second attempt to remove her kidney stones is this Thursday. Thankfully, in the last several days Kari has been feeling much better. We’re hopeful for a good outcome and full relief from what she has been feeling for months! Thank you for your prayers.